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001.Beginnings. 002.Middles. 003.Ends. 004.Firsts. 005.Friends.
006.Hours. 007.Days. 008.Weeks. 009.Months. 010.Years.
011.Lovers. 012.Strangers. 013.Love. 014.Too Much. 015.Not Enough.
016.Simple. 017.Complicated. 018.Accident. 019.Addicted. 020.Smell.
021.Sound. 022.Touch. 023.Taste. 024.Sunrise. 025.Sunset.
026.Breakfast. 027.Lunch. 028.Dinner. 029.Vacation. 030.Date.
031.Time. 032.Birthday. 033.Thanksgiving. 034.Christmas. 035.Valentine.
036.Secrets. 037.Hurt. 038.Threesome. 039.Kink. 040.Lies.
041.Passion. 042.Hidden. 043.Confession. 044.Discovery. 045.Truth.
046.Betrayal. 047.Dream. 048.Nightmare. 049.Lost. 050.Emotion.
051.Epiphany. 052.Sex. 053.Denial. 054.Jealousy. 055.Greed.
056.Lust. 057.Hands. 058.Lips. 059.Kiss. 060.Crush.
061.Winter. 062.Spring. 063.Summer. 064.Fall. 065.Anniversaries.
066.Romantic. 067.Union. 068.Afraid. 069.Safe. 070.Protection.
071.Broken. 072.Fixed. 073.Heat. 074.Night. 075.Shade.
076.Who? 077.What? 078.Where? 079.When? 080.Why?
081.How? 082.If. 083.And. 084.He. 085.Them.
086.Choices. 087.Life. 088.Fight. 089.Work. 090.Home.
091.Peace. 092.Bedroom. 093.Gentle. 094.Independence. 095.New Year.
096.Writer‘s Choice. 097.Writer‘s Choice. 098.Writer‘s Choice. 099.Writer‘s Choice. 100.Writer‘s Choice.


So...it's been a while since an update. I figured it's about time I did one.

I lost my job with the county. I kind of figured it would be a short term thing anyway. The county is in a budget crunch, and my job was actually very useless. So I lost that job at the beginning of April. Luckily, my stepdaughter is an assistant manager at Dominos Pizza and she got me a job there as a driver. It's not a job I want to be in forever but it will help pay bills until something else comes along.

My husband and I have worked through a great many of our difficulties, and we are making definite headway in our relationship. I love him now just as much as I did the day we got married or maybe even more. I feel our relationship has grown, and I feel much more comfortable in our day to day lives together. Sometimes it takes something horrible happening to make people realize what they are doing to each other. I am blessed to have had an opportunity to work things out and to start a new chapter in our lives.

I've considered going back to school several times over the last few years. Truth be told though, I'm scared of going back to school. When I was in high school and college, everything came so easily for me and I had no problems. I didn't have to study or anything. But I'm ten years older than I was the last time I was in school, and I have to admit that my self confidence has taken a hit over that period of time. I want to go back to school for nursing or even a labratory technician, but I'm afraid I can't compete with the young kids coming into college for the first time. I don't know. I'm going to have to pray about it some more and see what I'm led to do.

My writing muse has tried to desert me, but I refuse to let her leave me...the heifer. I always loved to write, and it's true that I have had trouble making time to write over the last two years. However, writing is an outlet and I think I have seriously missed that particular outlet. So if anybody wants to see me write, prod me. I need it :-)

Mostly, all of my LJ friends, I love you guys. I'm sorry I haven't updated in a long time. I will definitely try to do better.


Lyric Playtime

001.How do you give me so much pleasure;
How do you give me so much pain?
002.I've got a good mind to throw it all way;
After all, what is it worth?
003.I cried out with no reply and I can't feel you by my side;
So I'll hold tight to what I know, you're here and I'm never alone.
004.Waste all your time with me
I know I'm a mess right now
Don't give up in me, I'd wait it out for you.
005.I know I need you
I know myself
Come on and say the things your heart has felt but words can't tell.
006.All that I feel is the realness I'm faking;
Taking my time but it's time that I'm wasting.
007.Is it bright where you are? Have the people changed?
Does it make you happy you're so strange?
008.And just to soften the blow, I'll steal all of your kisses;
And sew them up in the creases of our hearts.
009.'Cause I can almost breathe the air, right around my fingertips;
I'll turn around and pick up the pieces.
010.Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you.
011.And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad;
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.
012.Am I the reason you breathe
Or am I the reason you cry?
013.This is the last time I'll abandon you and this is the last time I'll forget you;
I wish I could.
014.Decisions to decisions are made and not bought;
But I thought this wouldn't hurt a lot, I guess not.
015.Love hurts, but sometimes it's a good hurt;
And it feels like I'm alive.
016.Can't count through all the lovers I've burned through;
So why do I still burn for you? I can't say.
017.Into the night I wander, it's morning that I dread;
Another day of knowing of the path I fear to tread.
018.I seem to lose the power of speech
You're slipping slowly from my reach;
You grow me like an evergreen
You've never seen the lonely me at all.
019.One of these days you'll miss your train and come stay with me
We'll have drinks and talk about things;
Any excuse to stay awake with you.
020.I'm sorry for what I did, I did what my body told me to;
I didn't mean to do you harm, every time I pin down what I think I want, it slips away.
021.I used to adore you
I couldn't control you;
There was nothing I wouldn't do to keep myself around and close to you.
022.You know that every time I try to go where I really want to be;
It's already where I am, 'cause I'm already there.
023.You've been the only thing that's right;
In all I've done.
024.So what?
I lied, I lie to me too.
025.I am a hostage to my own humanity;
Self-detained and forced to live in this mess I've made.
026.I'm running down highways 'til I see your face;
I just need to see you now, I don't care about anything else.
027.The truth hurts so bad, wouldn't you say, so why tell it?
If ignorance is bliss, I'm in heaven now.
028.I keep asking myself, wondering how;
I keep closing my eyes, but I can't block you out.
029.You're awful;
I love you!
030.I'm alright, it's just tonight, I can't play the part;
I'm alright, it's alright, it's just a broken heart...
031.Your heart is cold, your soul is numb;
You don't like who you've become.
032.I know you don't love me, you know I don't care;
Keep it hidden better, did I say the world was fair?
033.And then I wonder who I am
Without the warm touch of your hand.
034.You may not believe in me, but I believe in you;
I still take the trash out, does that make me too normal for you?
035.You know I can be there, it's time that you call;
I swore not to come, but I'm here after all.
036.This mood of yours is temporary, it seems worth the wait to see you smile again;
Out of the corner of your eye won't be the only way you're looking at me then.
037. You should try not to be so courageous;
These dismal moods have become contagious.
038.Save me from this hopelessness, talk some sense into this head, help stop this endless SOS. 039.Fear of the dark, fear of the dark;
I have a constant fear that something's near.
040.You get no respect, you get no relief;
You gotta speak up, and yell out your piece.
041.How much is real? So much to question;
An epidemic of the mannequins, contaminating everything.
042.It's a crime you let it happen to me;
Never mind, I'll let it happen to you.
043.If I turn into another;
Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me.
044.There's that smile again, you fake it and I follow right in;
What a fool I've been to fall for it each time.
045.And you play it coy, but it's kinda cute;
Oh, when you smile at me, you know exactly what you do.
046.I just want to know what is real;
Give me earthquakes and heartaches.
047.I wonder what you're doing, imagine where you are;
There's oceans in between us, but that's not very far.
048.I'd be crazy not to follow, follow where you lead;
Your eyes, they turn me.
049.You choked off the surest of favors;
But if you really loved me, you would've endured my world.
050.How do you find the words to say goodbye?

Time to Play Again

01 Law 02 The Working Stiff 03 Old Friends 04 Fools for Love 05 Happily Ever After
06 Divorce 07 Working Mom 08 Pride and Joy 09 Blood Is Thicker... 10 Life Choice
11 New York Minute 12 Oxymoron 13 Mushrooms 14 Dining Out 15 White Lie
16 Ambitious 17 Pride 18 Choice of Evils 19 Deceit 20 Thin Ice
21 Smoke 22 Manhood 23 Baby It's You 24 Vendetta 25 Order

Avenue A

I sold some of my very own jewelry that I designed and hand crafted. Yay!!! It wasn't worth a LOT of money, but hey, I enjoy doing it and if I make more of these and sell them, I might actually have a little bit of an income. Hmmm...here's hoping!!!


I am in hot flash hell.

Yes....I am in hormonal hot flash hell.

Sleepless nights.

Night sweats.

Mood swings.

I'm miserable in menopause.



Gateway computers blow. I have had to retire yet another damn hard drive on my laptop. That's two in the span of a year. WTF?!?!?!?!?!?

I'm so unemployed and it's really starting to become boring. I'm ready to get back to work.

I am also waiting to have gallbladder surgery. I hate hurting all the time. The bright side? I'm stoned on pain pills almost all the time until my surgery date. It could be worse I guess.

Oh well, keep your fingers crossed for me on both the work front and the surgery front.



This is a sex meme. If you don't want to know about my sex life/preferences/kinks then don't read it. ^.^

Sex MemeCollapse )


I am so bored.

Being unemployed really blows. I'm not kidding. I am so beyond bored it is not even funny.

I have written some on a completely original work of fiction. I don't know if it will go anywhere but I have seriously cool ideas for it.

I've started making jewelry again. I figured that I do have quite a few beads laying about, and maybe I could sell some of the pieces on Ebay. Any extra money right now would be great.

I'm also reading the Twilight books. I'm not super impressed, but I do like it. Maybe I'm just getting old and that's why I'm not head over heels in love with them. I'm just in serious like with them ;-)

I want to work....seriously

I am still unemployed....ugh. I've been looking and applying like crazy. Nothing yet. It blows.


I need a job people. Cross your fingers and pray for me that I find a job. I need a job BAD!!!

I'm going out of my head....seriously.